Q: How do you make University of Arizona cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

One foggy night, an Arizona State fan and an Arizona fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Tempe. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Arizona fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Sun Devil fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Arizona fan walks over to the Sun Devil fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Sun Devil fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Sun Devil fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Wildcat fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Wildcat fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Wildcat fan hands it back to the Sun Devil fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Sun Devil fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Arizona campus?

A: A visitor.

Q: Why do University of Arizona fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

An Arizona Wildcats fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

Two University of Arizona fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first Arizona fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second Arizona fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first Arizona fan asks, "Why not?"

The second Arizona fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

One day in an elementary school in Tucson, AZ, a teacher asks her class if the Arizona Wildcats are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Arizona State Sun Devils "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Sun Devil fan, my mom is a Sun Devil fan, I guess that makes me a Sun Devil fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me an Arizona fan."

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Arizona Wildcats?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Arizona weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: What's the hardest thing about being an Arizona Wildcat fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

My two favorite teams are Arizona State and whoever plays Arizona!

Q: How do you get an University of Arizona grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the University of Arizona campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

Did you hear about the Wildcat fan who was so upset that the Sun Devils beat Arizona that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

It was reported that Arizona head football coach Mike Stoops will only be dressing twenty players for the Arizona State game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Tucson?

A: Tempe: 187 Miles

Q: What does the average University of Arizona student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

Q. What did the Arizona graduate say to the Arizona State graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

Q: How many University of Arizona freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

It's 12:16 and Arizona STILL sucks!

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Arizona joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am an Arizona grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's an Arizona grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's an Arizona grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Arizona library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Arizona campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Wildcats cheerleaders back on board.

Q: What do you get when you cross an University of Arizona fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Q: Did you hear about the University of Arizona fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

Q: What should you do if you find three University of Arizona fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

Q: Why don't Arizona Wildcats fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Q: How many Arizona fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Arizona win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

Q: What do you call a Arizona player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

Q: What's the difference between an Arizona fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Arizona's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: an Arizona, an Arizona State grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Arizona State grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Sun Devils!" and pushed the Wildcats fan off the side of the mountain.

Tucson News Report: Football practice in Tucson was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Mike Stoops, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Q: Do you know why the University of Arizona football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What do Arizona and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!