Q: Do you know why the Miami University football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Miami University library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: How many Miami fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

One foggy night, a Cincinnati fan and a Miami fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Cincinnati. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Miami fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Bearcat fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Miami fan walks over to the Bearcat fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Bearcat fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Bearcat fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the RedHawk fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The RedHawk fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the RedHawk fan hands it back to the Bearcat fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Bearcat fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the Miami University campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

My two favorite teams are Cincinnati and whoever plays Miami!

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a Miami, a Cincinnati grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Cincinnati grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Bearcats!" and pushed the RedHawks fan off the side of the mountain.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at Miami University weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

A Miami University RedHawks fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

Q: How many Miami University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

It was reported that Miami head football coach Shane Montgomery will only be dressing twenty players for the Cincinnati game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: Why do Miami University fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Miami win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

Two Miami University fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first Miami fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second Miami fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first Miami fan asks, "Why not?"

The second Miami fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Oxford News Report: Football practice in Oxford was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Shane Montgomery, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Q: How do you get a Miami University grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: What do you call a Miami player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

Q: Why don't Miami University RedHawks fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Miami joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Miami grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a Miami grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a Miami grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Q: What do Miami and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Miami University RedHawks?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: Did you hear about the Miami University fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

Did you hear about the RedHawk fan who was so upset that the Bearcats beat Miami that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

Q: What's the hardest thing about being a Miami RedHawk fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Miami University fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Q: What's the difference between a Miami fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: What does the average Miami University student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

It's 07:58 and Miami STILL sucks!

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the Miami University campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the RedHawks cheerleaders back on board.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in Miami University's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Miami University campus?

A: A visitor.

Q: How do you make Miami University cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q. What did the Miami graduate say to the Cincinnati graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Oxford?

A: Cincinnati: 187 Miles

Q: What should you do if you find three Miami University fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

One day in an elementary school in Oxford, OH, a teacher asks her class if the Miami University RedHawks are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Cincinnati Bearcats "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Bearcat fan, my mom is a Bearcat fan, I guess that makes me a Bearcat fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Miami fan."