Q: How do you make University of South Carolina cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the South Carolina Gamecocks?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: Do you know why the University of South Carolina football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: Did you hear about the University of South Carolina fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

Q: What do South Carolina and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q: How do you get a University of South Carolina grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Columbia News Report: Football practice in Columbia was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Steve Spurrier, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a South Carolina, a Clemson grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Clemson grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Tigers!" and pushed the Gamecocks fan off the side of the mountain.

Q: Why do University of South Carolina fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the University of South Carolina campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of South Carolina weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: How many University of South Carolina freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

One day in an elementary school in Columbia, SC, a teacher asks her class if the South Carolina Gamecocks are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Clemson Tigers "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Tiger fan, my mom is a Tiger fan, I guess that makes me a Tiger fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a South Carolina fan."

Two University of South Carolina fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first South Carolina fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second South Carolina fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first South Carolina fan asks, "Why not?"

The second South Carolina fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Did you hear about the Gamecock fan who was so upset that the Tigers beat South Carolina that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

Q: What does the average University of South Carolina student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of South Carolina's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What should you do if you find three University of South Carolina fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between a South Carolina fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. What did the South Carolina graduate say to the Clemson graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

One foggy night, a Clemson fan and a South Carolina fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Clemson. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The South Carolina fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Tiger fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The South Carolina fan walks over to the Tiger fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Tiger fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Tiger fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Gamecock fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Gamecock fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Gamecock fan hands it back to the Tiger fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Tiger fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

Q: What's the hardest thing about being a South Carolina Gamecock fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

Q: What do you get when you cross a University of South Carolina fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

It's 06:28 and South Carolina STILL sucks!

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of South Carolina campus?

A: A visitor.

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of South Carolina campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Gamecocks cheerleaders back on board.

A South Carolina Gamecocks fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good South Carolina joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a South Carolina grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a South Carolina grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a South Carolina grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have South Carolina win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

It was reported that South Carolina head football coach Steve Spurrier will only be dressing twenty players for the Clemson game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of South Carolina library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Columbia?

A: Clemson: 187 Miles

Q: What do you call a South Carolina player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

Q: Why don't South Carolina Gamecocks fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

My two favorite teams are Clemson and whoever plays South Carolina!

Q: How many South Carolina fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.