One day in an elementary school in Lincoln, NE, a teacher asks her class if the Nebraska Cornhuskers are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Colorado Buffaloes "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Buffalo fan, my mom is a Buffalo fan, I guess that makes me a Buffalo fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Nebraska fan."

Q: What should you do if you find three University of Nebraska fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Nebraska's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: How do you get a University of Nebraska grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Nebraska fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

It's 08:01 and Nebraska STILL sucks!

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Nebraska weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: Why don't Nebraska Cornhuskers fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Two University of Nebraska fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first Nebraska fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second Nebraska fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first Nebraska fan asks, "Why not?"

The second Nebraska fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Q: What do you call a Nebraska player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

Q: Do you know why the University of Nebraska football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

It was reported that Nebraska head football coach Bill Callahan will only be dressing twenty players for the Colorado game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the University of Nebraska campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

Lincoln News Report: Football practice in Lincoln was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Bill Callahan, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

One foggy night, a Colorado fan and a Nebraska fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Boulder. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Nebraska fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Buffalo fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Nebraska fan walks over to the Buffalo fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Buffalo fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Buffalo fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Cornhusker fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Cornhusker fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Cornhusker fan hands it back to the Buffalo fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Buffalo fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

Q: What does the average University of Nebraska student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Lincoln?

A: Boulder: 187 Miles

Q. What did the Nebraska graduate say to the Colorado graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a Nebraska, a Colorado grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Colorado grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Buffaloes!" and pushed the Cornhuskers fan off the side of the mountain.

Q: How many University of Nebraska freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

A Nebraska Cornhuskers fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

My two favorite teams are Colorado and whoever plays Nebraska!

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Nebraska win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

Q: Did you hear about the University of Nebraska fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

Q: Why do University of Nebraska fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How many Nebraska fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Nebraska library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: What's the hardest thing about being a Nebraska Cornhusker fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

Q: What's the difference between a Nebraska fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Did you hear about the Cornhusker fan who was so upset that the Buffaloes beat Nebraska that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Nebraska joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Nebraska grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a Nebraska grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a Nebraska grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Nebraska campus?

A: A visitor.

Q: How do you make University of Nebraska cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Nebraska Cornhuskers?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: What do Nebraska and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Nebraska campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Cornhuskers cheerleaders back on board.