Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Colorado fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Colorado win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

Q: How do you get a University of Colorado grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Two University of Colorado fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first Colorado fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second Colorado fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first Colorado fan asks, "Why not?"

The second Colorado fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Q: What should you do if you find three University of Colorado fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

One foggy night, a Colorado State fan and a Colorado fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Fort Collins. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Colorado fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Ram fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Colorado fan walks over to the Ram fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Ram fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Ram fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Buffalo fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Buffalo fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Buffalo fan hands it back to the Ram fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Ram fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

My two favorite teams are Colorado State and whoever plays Colorado!

Q: What do you call a Colorado player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

Q: What's the difference between a Colorado fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

One day in an elementary school in Boulder, CO, a teacher asks her class if the Colorado Buffaloes are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Colorado State Rams "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Ram fan, my mom is a Ram fan, I guess that makes me a Ram fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Colorado fan."

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a Colorado, a Colorado State grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Colorado State grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Rams!" and pushed the Buffaloes fan off the side of the mountain.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Colorado weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the University of Colorado campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

Q: How many Colorado fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

Q: Do you know why the University of Colorado football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Colorado Buffaloes?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Colorado joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Colorado grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a Colorado grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a Colorado grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Q: What does the average University of Colorado student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

Q: How do you make University of Colorado cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Colorado library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

It was reported that Colorado head football coach Dan Hawkins will only be dressing twenty players for the Colorado State game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Boulder?

A: Fort Collins: 187 Miles

Q: Did you hear about the University of Colorado fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

A Colorado Buffaloes fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

Q: What do Colorado and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Colorado campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Buffaloes cheerleaders back on board.

Q. What did the Colorado graduate say to the Colorado State graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

Q: How many University of Colorado freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: Why don't Colorado Buffaloes fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

It's 07:46 and Colorado STILL sucks!

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Colorado campus?

A: A visitor.

Q: Why do University of Colorado fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Boulder News Report: Football practice in Boulder was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Dan Hawkins, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Q: What's the hardest thing about being a Colorado Buffalo fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Colorado's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Did you hear about the Buffalo fan who was so upset that the Rams beat Colorado that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?