Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a North Carolina, a Duke grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Duke grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Blue Devils!" and pushed the Tar Heels fan off the side of the mountain.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Chapel Hill?

A: Durham: 187 Miles

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of North Carolina library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Two University of North Carolina fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first North Carolina fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second North Carolina fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first North Carolina fan asks, "Why not?"

The second North Carolina fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good North Carolina joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a North Carolina grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a North Carolina grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a North Carolina grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

My two favorite teams are Duke and whoever plays North Carolina!

Q. What did the North Carolina graduate say to the Duke graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the North Carolina Tar Heels?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of North Carolina campus?

A: A visitor.

Q: What should you do if you find three University of North Carolina fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

Did you hear about the Tar Heel fan who was so upset that the Blue Devils beat North Carolina that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of North Carolina weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: What do you get when you cross a University of North Carolina fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Q: How many University of North Carolina freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: How do you get a University of North Carolina grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: Why do University of North Carolina fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have North Carolina win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

Q: How many North Carolina fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

Q: Why don't North Carolina Tar Heels fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

One foggy night, a Duke fan and a North Carolina fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Durham. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The North Carolina fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Blue Devil fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The North Carolina fan walks over to the Blue Devil fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Blue Devil fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Blue Devil fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Tar Heel fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Tar Heel fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Tar Heel fan hands it back to the Blue Devil fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Blue Devil fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

Q: How do you make University of North Carolina cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Chapel Hill News Report: Football practice in Chapel Hill was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, John Bunting, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

A North Carolina Tar Heels fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

Q: What do you call a North Carolina player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

Q: What's the difference between a North Carolina fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: What does the average University of North Carolina student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

It's 12:17 and North Carolina STILL sucks!

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of North Carolina's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: Do you know why the University of North Carolina football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of North Carolina campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Tar Heels cheerleaders back on board.

It was reported that North Carolina head football coach John Bunting will only be dressing twenty players for the Duke game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: What's the hardest thing about being a North Carolina Tar Heel fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

Q: Did you hear about the University of North Carolina fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the University of North Carolina campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

One day in an elementary school in Chapel Hill, NC, a teacher asks her class if the North Carolina Tar Heels are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Duke Blue Devils "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Blue Devil fan, my mom is a Blue Devil fan, I guess that makes me a Blue Devil fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a North Carolina fan."

Q: What do North Carolina and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!