Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the CMU Chippewas?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Central Michigan University library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: What does the average Central Michigan University student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

Q. What did the Central Michigan graduate say to the Eastern Michigan graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the Central Michigan University campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Chippewas cheerleaders back on board.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Central Michigan win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

Q: Did you hear about the Central Michigan University fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Mount Pleasant?

A: Ypsilanti: 187 Miles

Q: How do you make Central Michigan University cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a Central Michigan, an Eastern Michigan grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Eastern Michigan grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Eagles!" and pushed the Chippewas fan off the side of the mountain.

Mount Pleasant News Report: Football practice in Mount Pleasant was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Brian Kelly, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Q: How do you get a Central Michigan University grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the Central Michigan University campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

Did you hear about the Chippewa fan who was so upset that the Eagles beat Central Michigan that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

A CMU Chippewas fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

One foggy night, an Eastern Michigan fan and a Central Michigan fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Ypsilanti. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Central Michigan fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Eagle fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Central Michigan fan walks over to the Eagle fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Eagle fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Eagle fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Chippewa fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Chippewa fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Chippewa fan hands it back to the Eagle fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Eagle fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

Q: What's the hardest thing about being a Central Michigan Chippewa fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

Q: Why do Central Michigan University fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at Central Michigan University weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: Do you know why the Central Michigan University football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

My two favorite teams are Eastern Michigan and whoever plays Central Michigan!

Q: What's the difference between a Central Michigan fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Central Michigan joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Central Michigan grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a Central Michigan grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a Central Michigan grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Q: Why don't CMU Chippewas fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Two Central Michigan University fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first Central Michigan fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second Central Michigan fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first Central Michigan fan asks, "Why not?"

The second Central Michigan fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Q: What do you get when you cross a Central Michigan University fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in Central Michigan University's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What do you call a Central Michigan player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

Q: What should you do if you find three Central Michigan University fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

One day in an elementary school in Mount Pleasant, MI, a teacher asks her class if the CMU Chippewas are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Eastern Michigan Eagles "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Eagle fan, my mom is a Eagle fan, I guess that makes me a Eagle fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Central Michigan fan."

It's 06:26 and Central Michigan STILL sucks!

It was reported that Central Michigan head football coach Brian Kelly will only be dressing twenty players for the Eastern Michigan game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Central Michigan University campus?

A: A visitor.

Q: What do Central Michigan and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q: How many Central Michigan University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: How many Central Michigan fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.