One day in an elementary school in Coral Gables, FL, a teacher asks her class if the Miami Hurricanes are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Florida Gators "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Gator fan, my mom is a Gator fan, I guess that makes me a Gator fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Miami fan."

Q: What's the difference between a Miami fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a Miami, a Florida grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Florida grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Gators!" and pushed the Hurricanes fan off the side of the mountain.

Q. What did the Miami graduate say to the Florida graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

My two favorite teams are Florida and whoever plays Miami!

Q: How many Miami fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

One foggy night, a Florida fan and a Miami fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Gainesville. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Miami fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Gator fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Miami fan walks over to the Gator fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Gator fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Gator fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Hurricane fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Hurricane fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Hurricane fan hands it back to the Gator fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Gator fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Miami campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Hurricanes cheerleaders back on board.

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Miami joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Miami grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a Miami grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a Miami grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Miami fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Q: What's the hardest thing about being a Miami Hurricane fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Miami library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Did you hear about the University of Miami fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Miami campus?

A: A visitor.

Q: What do you call a Miami player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Coral Gables?

A: Gainesville: 187 Miles

Q: How do you make University of Miami cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: What does the average University of Miami student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

A Miami Hurricanes fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

Two University of Miami fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first Miami fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second Miami fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first Miami fan asks, "Why not?"

The second Miami fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Miami win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

Q: Why don't Miami Hurricanes fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Q: What should you do if you find three University of Miami fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

It was reported that Miami head football coach Larry Coker will only be dressing twenty players for the Florida game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Coral Gables News Report: Football practice in Coral Gables was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Larry Coker, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Did you hear about the Hurricane fan who was so upset that the Gators beat Miami that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Miami Hurricanes?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Miami's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What do Miami and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

It's 12:17 and Miami STILL sucks!

Q: Why do University of Miami fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: Do you know why the University of Miami football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Miami weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: How many University of Miami freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: How do you get a University of Miami grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the University of Miami campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.