Q: What do you get when you cross a Florida International University fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have FIU win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good FIU joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a FIU grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a FIU grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a FIU grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Q: Did you hear about the Florida International University fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in Florida International University's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a FIU, a Florida Atlantic grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Florida Atlantic grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Owls!" and pushed the Golden Panthers fan off the side of the mountain.

Q: What should you do if you find three Florida International University fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the Florida International University campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Golden Panthers cheerleaders back on board.

A FIU Golden Panthers fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

It's 08:01 and FIU STILL sucks!

Q. What did the FIU graduate say to the Florida Atlantic graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

Did you hear about the Golden Panther fan who was so upset that the Owls beat FIU that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

Q: What does the average Florida International University student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

Q: How do you make Florida International University cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Florida International University campus?

A: A visitor.

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the Florida International University campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

Q: Do you know why the Florida International University football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: How many FIU fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

Q: What do FIU and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

One day in an elementary school in Miami, FL, a teacher asks her class if the FIU Golden Panthers are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Florida Atlantic Owls "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Owl fan, my mom is a Owl fan, I guess that makes me a Owl fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a FIU fan."

Q: What do you call a FIU player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

Miami News Report: Football practice in Miami was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Don Strock, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at Florida International University weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: What's the hardest thing about being a FIU Golden Panther fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

Q: Why don't FIU Golden Panthers fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Miami?

A: Boca Raton: 187 Miles

One foggy night, a Florida Atlantic fan and a FIU fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Boca Raton. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The FIU fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Owl fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The FIU fan walks over to the Owl fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Owl fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Owl fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Golden Panther fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Golden Panther fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Golden Panther fan hands it back to the Owl fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Owl fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

It was reported that FIU head football coach Don Strock will only be dressing twenty players for the Florida Atlantic game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: What's the difference between a FIU fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Florida International University library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the FIU Golden Panthers?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: How do you get a Florida International University grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: How many Florida International University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Two Florida International University fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first FIU fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second FIU fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first FIU fan asks, "Why not?"

The second FIU fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Q: Why do Florida International University fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

My two favorite teams are Florida Atlantic and whoever plays FIU!