Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Louisiana at Monroe fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Q: Do you know why the University of Louisiana at Monroe football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: Why do University of Louisiana at Monroe fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

It was reported that Louisiana-Monroe head football coach Charlie Weatherbie will only be dressing twenty players for the Louisiana-Lafayette game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: Did you hear about the University of Louisiana at Monroe fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Louisiana-Monroe joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Louisiana-Monroe grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a Louisiana-Monroe grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a Louisiana-Monroe grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Q: How do you make University of Louisiana at Monroe cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

One day in an elementary school in Monroe, LA, a teacher asks her class if the Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Louisiana-Lafayette Ragin' Cajuns "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Ragin' Cajun fan, my mom is a Ragin' Cajun fan, I guess that makes me a Ragin' Cajun fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Louisiana-Monroe fan."

Q: Why don't Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Q. What did the Louisiana-Monroe graduate say to the Louisiana-Lafayette graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

Q: What's the hardest thing about being a Louisiana-Monroe Warhawk fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a Louisiana-Monroe, a Louisiana-Lafayette grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Louisiana-Lafayette grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Ragin' Cajuns!" and pushed the Warhawks fan off the side of the mountain.

Did you hear about the Warhawk fan who was so upset that the Ragin' Cajuns beat Louisiana-Monroe that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

Q: How many Louisiana-Monroe fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

Q: How do you get a University of Louisiana at Monroe grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Louisiana at Monroe's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What should you do if you find three University of Louisiana at Monroe fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

My two favorite teams are Louisiana-Lafayette and whoever plays Louisiana-Monroe!

Q: What does the average University of Louisiana at Monroe student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

Q: What do Louisiana-Monroe and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the University of Louisiana at Monroe campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

Monroe News Report: Football practice in Monroe was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Charlie Weatherbie, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Louisiana at Monroe campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Warhawks cheerleaders back on board.

Q: What's the difference between a Louisiana-Monroe fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Monroe?

A: Lafayette: 187 Miles

One foggy night, a Louisiana-Lafayette fan and a Louisiana-Monroe fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Lafayette. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Louisiana-Monroe fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Ragin' Cajun fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Louisiana-Monroe fan walks over to the Ragin' Cajun fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Ragin' Cajun fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Ragin' Cajun fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Warhawk fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Warhawk fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Warhawk fan hands it back to the Ragin' Cajun fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Ragin' Cajun fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Louisiana at Monroe library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Louisiana-Monroe win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

Q: What do you call a Louisiana-Monroe player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

A Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

Q: How many University of Louisiana at Monroe freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Louisiana at Monroe weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Two University of Louisiana at Monroe fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first Louisiana-Monroe fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second Louisiana-Monroe fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first Louisiana-Monroe fan asks, "Why not?"

The second Louisiana-Monroe fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Louisiana at Monroe campus?

A: A visitor.

It's 06:27 and Louisiana-Monroe STILL sucks!