Q: How many University of Florida freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Florida win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

One foggy night, a Miami fan and a Florida fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Coral Gables. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Florida fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Hurricane fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Florida fan walks over to the Hurricane fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Hurricane fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Hurricane fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Gator fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Gator fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Gator fan hands it back to the Hurricane fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Hurricane fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

Two University of Florida fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first Florida fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second Florida fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first Florida fan asks, "Why not?"

The second Florida fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a Florida, a Miami grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Miami grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Hurricanes!" and pushed the Gators fan off the side of the mountain.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Gainesville?

A: Coral Gables: 187 Miles

It's 07:39 and Florida STILL sucks!

It was reported that Florida head football coach Urban Meyer will only be dressing twenty players for the Miami game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Florida campus?

A: A visitor.

Q: Why do University of Florida fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Florida library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: How many Florida fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

Q. What did the Florida graduate say to the Miami graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

Q: Why don't Florida Gators fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

A Florida Gators fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

Q: Did you hear about the University of Florida fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

Q: What's the difference between a Florida fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: Do you know why the University of Florida football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What does the average University of Florida student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the University of Florida campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

Q: What do Florida and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Florida Gators?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Florida campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Gators cheerleaders back on board.

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Florida joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Florida grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a Florida grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a Florida grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Florida weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Florida's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

My two favorite teams are Miami and whoever plays Florida!

One day in an elementary school in Gainesville, FL, a teacher asks her class if the Florida Gators are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Miami Hurricanes "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Hurricane fan, my mom is a Hurricane fan, I guess that makes me a Hurricane fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Florida fan."

Q: How do you get a University of Florida grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Gainesville News Report: Football practice in Gainesville was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Urban Meyer, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Florida fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Q: What's the hardest thing about being a Florida Gator fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

Q: What should you do if you find three University of Florida fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

Q: What do you call a Florida player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

Q: How do you make University of Florida cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Did you hear about the Gator fan who was so upset that the Hurricanes beat Florida that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?