Q: Did you hear about the Vanderbilt University fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

Nashville News Report: Football practice in Nashville was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Bobby Johnson, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in Vanderbilt University's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Two Vanderbilt University fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first Vanderbilt fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second Vanderbilt fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first Vanderbilt fan asks, "Why not?"

The second Vanderbilt fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

It was reported that Vanderbilt head football coach Bobby Johnson will only be dressing twenty players for the Middle Tennessee State game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Vanderbilt University fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Nashville?

A: Murfreesboro: 187 Miles

Q: What do Vanderbilt and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the Vanderbilt University campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Commodores cheerleaders back on board.

One foggy night, a Middle Tennessee State fan and a Vanderbilt fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Murfreesboro. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Vanderbilt fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Blue Raider fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Vanderbilt fan walks over to the Blue Raider fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Blue Raider fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Blue Raider fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Commodore fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Commodore fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Commodore fan hands it back to the Blue Raider fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Blue Raider fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

One day in an elementary school in Nashville, TN, a teacher asks her class if the Vanderbilt Commodores are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Middle Tennessee State Blue Raiders "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Blue Raider fan, my mom is a Blue Raider fan, I guess that makes me a Blue Raider fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Vanderbilt fan."

Q: What do you call a Vanderbilt player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

Q: What does the average Vanderbilt University student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

It's 06:27 and Vanderbilt STILL sucks!

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a Vanderbilt, a Middle Tennessee State grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Middle Tennessee State grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Blue Raiders!" and pushed the Commodores fan off the side of the mountain.

Q: How do you get a Vanderbilt University grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: How do you make Vanderbilt University cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Vanderbilt win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

Q: How many Vanderbilt fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Vanderbilt University campus?

A: A visitor.

My two favorite teams are Middle Tennessee State and whoever plays Vanderbilt!

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Vanderbilt Commodores?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q. What did the Vanderbilt graduate say to the Middle Tennessee State graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the Vanderbilt University campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

Q: Why do Vanderbilt University fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at Vanderbilt University weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: What's the difference between a Vanderbilt fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Vanderbilt University library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Did you hear about the Commodore fan who was so upset that the Blue Raiders beat Vanderbilt that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

Q: What's the hardest thing about being a Vanderbilt Commodore fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

Q: What should you do if you find three Vanderbilt University fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Vanderbilt joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Vanderbilt grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a Vanderbilt grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a Vanderbilt grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

A Vanderbilt Commodores fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

Q: Why don't Vanderbilt Commodores fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Q: How many Vanderbilt University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: Do you know why the Vanderbilt University football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.