Q: What should you do if you find three University of Wisconsin fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

Madison News Report: Football practice in Madison was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Bret Bielema, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Wisconsin Badgers?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: What's the difference between a Wisconsin fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Wisconsin library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: What do Wisconsin and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

A Wisconsin Badgers fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Wisconsin campus?

A: A visitor.

One day in an elementary school in Madison, WI, a teacher asks her class if the Wisconsin Badgers are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Minnesota Golden Gophers "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Golden Gopher fan, my mom is a Golden Gopher fan, I guess that makes me a Golden Gopher fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Wisconsin fan."

Q: What do you call a Wisconsin player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the University of Wisconsin campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Wisconsin's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Wisconsin weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: How many University of Wisconsin freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Did you hear about the Badger fan who was so upset that the Golden Gophers beat Wisconsin that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Wisconsin win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Wisconsin joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Wisconsin grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a Wisconsin grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a Wisconsin grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Q. What did the Wisconsin graduate say to the Minnesota graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

It's 07:58 and Wisconsin STILL sucks!

Q: Why do University of Wisconsin fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: Did you hear about the University of Wisconsin fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Wisconsin campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Badgers cheerleaders back on board.

Q: What's the hardest thing about being a Wisconsin Badger fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

One foggy night, a Minnesota fan and a Wisconsin fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Minneapolis-Saint Paul. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Wisconsin fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Golden Gopher fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Wisconsin fan walks over to the Golden Gopher fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Golden Gopher fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Golden Gopher fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Badger fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Badger fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Badger fan hands it back to the Golden Gopher fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Golden Gopher fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

Q: What does the average University of Wisconsin student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

Two University of Wisconsin fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first Wisconsin fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second Wisconsin fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first Wisconsin fan asks, "Why not?"

The second Wisconsin fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

My two favorite teams are Minnesota and whoever plays Wisconsin!

Q: Why don't Wisconsin Badgers fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Q: How do you make University of Wisconsin cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Wisconsin fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Q: Do you know why the University of Wisconsin football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

It was reported that Wisconsin head football coach Bret Bielema will only be dressing twenty players for the Minnesota game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: How many Wisconsin fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Madison?

A: Minneapolis-Saint Paul: 187 Miles

Q: How do you get a University of Wisconsin grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a Wisconsin, a Minnesota grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Minnesota grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Golden Gophers!" and pushed the Badgers fan off the side of the mountain.