Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Nevada, Las Vegas campus?

A: A visitor.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Las Vegas?

A: Reno: 187 Miles

One foggy night, a Nevada fan and a UNLV fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Reno. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The UNLV fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Wolf Pack fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The UNLV fan walks over to the Wolf Pack fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Wolf Pack fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Wolf Pack fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Rebel fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Rebel fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Rebel fan hands it back to the Wolf Pack fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Wolf Pack fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

Las Vegas News Report: Football practice in Las Vegas was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Mike Sanford, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Q: What's the difference between a UNLV fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: How many University of Nevada, Las Vegas freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Nevada, Las Vegas' football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What do UNLV and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

A UNLV Rebels fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the UNLV Rebels?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: What's the hardest thing about being a UNLV Rebel fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

Q: What does the average University of Nevada, Las Vegas student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

Q. What did the UNLV graduate say to the Nevada graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have UNLV win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

Q: What do you call a UNLV player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

Q: How do you make University of Nevada, Las Vegas cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

My two favorite teams are Nevada and whoever plays UNLV!

Q: Do you know why the University of Nevada, Las Vegas football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: How do you get a University of Nevada, Las Vegas grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Nevada, Las Vegas weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Did you hear about the Rebel fan who was so upset that the Wolf Pack beat UNLV that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

Q: Why don't UNLV Rebels fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a UNLV, a Nevada grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Nevada grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Wolf Pack!" and pushed the Rebels fan off the side of the mountain.

Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Nevada, Las Vegas fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

It was reported that UNLV head football coach Mike Sanford will only be dressing twenty players for the Nevada game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: How many UNLV fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

Q: What should you do if you find three University of Nevada, Las Vegas fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

Q: Did you hear about the University of Nevada, Las Vegas fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good UNLV joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a UNLV grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a UNLV grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a UNLV grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

It's 12:17 and UNLV STILL sucks!

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Nevada, Las Vegas campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Rebels cheerleaders back on board.

Q: Why do University of Nevada, Las Vegas fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

One day in an elementary school in Las Vegas, NV, a teacher asks her class if the UNLV Rebels are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Nevada Wolf Pack "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Wolf Pack fan, my mom is a Wolf Pack fan, I guess that makes me a Wolf Pack fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a UNLV fan."

Two University of Nevada, Las Vegas fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first UNLV fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second UNLV fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first UNLV fan asks, "Why not?"

The second UNLV fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the University of Nevada, Las Vegas campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.