Q. What did the Oregon State graduate say to the Oregon graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

One foggy night, an Oregon fan and an Oregon State fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Eugene. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Oregon State fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Duck fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Oregon State fan walks over to the Duck fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Duck fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Duck fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Beaver fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Beaver fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Beaver fan hands it back to the Duck fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Duck fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: an Oregon State, an Oregon grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Oregon grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Ducks!" and pushed the Beavers fan off the side of the mountain.

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Oregon State joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am an Oregon State grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's an Oregon State grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's an Oregon State grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Two Oregon State University fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first Oregon State fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second Oregon State fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first Oregon State fan asks, "Why not?"

The second Oregon State fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Q: What's the hardest thing about being an Oregon State Beaver fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

Q: Why do Oregon State University fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What should you do if you find three Oregon State University fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Oregon State Beavers?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: How many Oregon State fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

Did you hear about the Beaver fan who was so upset that the Ducks beat Oregon State that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

An Oregon State Beavers fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Oregon State University library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: How do you get an Oregon State University grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

My two favorite teams are Oregon and whoever plays Oregon State!

It was reported that Oregon State head football coach Mike Riley will only be dressing twenty players for the Oregon game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Oregon State win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

Q: How do you make Oregon State University cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the Oregon State University campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

Q: What do you get when you cross an Oregon State University fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the Oregon State University campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Beavers cheerleaders back on board.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in Oregon State University's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

It's 12:18 and Oregon State STILL sucks!

Q: What do Oregon State and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q: Did you hear about the Oregon State University fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at Oregon State University weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

One day in an elementary school in Corvallis, OR, a teacher asks her class if the Oregon State Beavers are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Oregon Ducks "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Duck fan, my mom is a Duck fan, I guess that makes me a Duck fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me an Oregon State fan."

Q: What do you call a Oregon State player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

Q: What's the difference between an Oregon State fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: Do you know why the Oregon State University football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What does the average Oregon State University student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

Corvallis News Report: Football practice in Corvallis was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Mike Riley, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Q: Why don't Oregon State Beavers fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Q: How many Oregon State University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Corvallis?

A: Eugene: 187 Miles

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Oregon State University campus?

A: A visitor.