Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Michigan State University campus?

A: A visitor.

Q: What's the difference between a Michigan State fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: How do you get a Michigan State University grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: Why don't Michigan State Spartans fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

It's 12:10 and Michigan State STILL sucks!

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at Michigan State University weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: Did you hear about the Michigan State University fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

Q: How many Michigan State fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

My two favorite teams are Penn State and whoever plays Michigan State!

Q: How many Michigan State University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: Do you know why the Michigan State University football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a Michigan State, a Penn State grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Penn State grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Nittany Lions!" and pushed the Spartans fan off the side of the mountain.

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the Michigan State University campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Spartans cheerleaders back on board.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Michigan State University fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Q: What does the average Michigan State University student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the Michigan State University campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

Two Michigan State University fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first Michigan State fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second Michigan State fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first Michigan State fan asks, "Why not?"

The second Michigan State fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Michigan State University library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Michigan State win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

A Michigan State Spartans fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

Q: What do you call a Michigan State player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

It was reported that Michigan State head football coach John L. Smith will only be dressing twenty players for the Penn State game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Michigan State joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Michigan State grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a Michigan State grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a Michigan State grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Q: What do Michigan State and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Michigan State Spartans?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: What should you do if you find three Michigan State University fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

One day in an elementary school in East Lansing, MI, a teacher asks her class if the Michigan State Spartans are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Penn State Nittany Lions "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Nittany Lion fan, my mom is a Nittany Lion fan, I guess that makes me a Nittany Lion fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Michigan State fan."

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in East Lansing?

A: State College: 187 Miles

Q: What's the hardest thing about being a Michigan State Spartan fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in Michigan State University's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

One foggy night, a Penn State fan and a Michigan State fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near State College. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Michigan State fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Nittany Lion fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Michigan State fan walks over to the Nittany Lion fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Nittany Lion fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Nittany Lion fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Spartan fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Spartan fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Spartan fan hands it back to the Nittany Lion fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Nittany Lion fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

Q: How do you make Michigan State University cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q. What did the Michigan State graduate say to the Penn State graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

Did you hear about the Spartan fan who was so upset that the Nittany Lions beat Michigan State that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

Q: Why do Michigan State University fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

East Lansing News Report: Football practice in East Lansing was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, John L. Smith, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.