Q: What do you call a Connecticut player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

Q: How do you make University of Connecticut cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: What's the hardest thing about being a Connecticut Husky fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

Q: Why don't Uconn Huskies fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Connecticut joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Connecticut grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a Connecticut grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a Connecticut grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Connecticut library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q. What did the Connecticut graduate say to the Rutgers graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

Q: What does the average University of Connecticut student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

Q: What's the difference between a Connecticut fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

One foggy night, a Rutgers fan and a Connecticut fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near New Brunswick. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Connecticut fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Scarlet Knight fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Connecticut fan walks over to the Scarlet Knight fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Scarlet Knight fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Scarlet Knight fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Husky fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Husky fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Husky fan hands it back to the Scarlet Knight fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Scarlet Knight fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

It was reported that Connecticut head football coach Randy Edsall will only be dressing twenty players for the Rutgers game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

My two favorite teams are Rutgers and whoever plays Connecticut!

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the University of Connecticut campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

It's 08:00 and Connecticut STILL sucks!

Q: Did you hear about the University of Connecticut fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Connecticut win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

Q: How many University of Connecticut freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: Why do University of Connecticut fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What do Connecticut and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a Connecticut, a Rutgers grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Rutgers grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Scarlet Knights!" and pushed the Huskies fan off the side of the mountain.

Q: Do you know why the University of Connecticut football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Two University of Connecticut fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first Connecticut fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second Connecticut fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first Connecticut fan asks, "Why not?"

The second Connecticut fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Storrs?

A: New Brunswick: 187 Miles

Q: How do you get a University of Connecticut grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Connecticut campus?

A: A visitor.

Did you hear about the Husky fan who was so upset that the Scarlet Knights beat Connecticut that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Uconn Huskies?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: What should you do if you find three University of Connecticut fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Connecticut fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Q: How many Connecticut fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Connecticut's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

One day in an elementary school in Storrs, CT, a teacher asks her class if the Uconn Huskies are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Rutgers Scarlet Knights "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Scarlet Knight fan, my mom is a Scarlet Knight fan, I guess that makes me a Scarlet Knight fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Connecticut fan."

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Connecticut campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Huskies cheerleaders back on board.

A Uconn Huskies fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

Storrs News Report: Football practice in Storrs was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Randy Edsall, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Connecticut weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.