A TCU Horned Frogs fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

It's 06:25 and TCU STILL sucks!

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at Texas Christian University weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

One day in an elementary school in Fort Worth, TX, a teacher asks her class if the TCU Horned Frogs are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The SMU Mustangs "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Mustang fan, my mom is a Mustang fan, I guess that makes me a Mustang fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a TCU fan."

One foggy night, an SMU fan and a TCU fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near University Park. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The TCU fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Mustang fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The TCU fan walks over to the Mustang fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Mustang fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Mustang fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Horned Frog fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Horned Frog fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Horned Frog fan hands it back to the Mustang fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Mustang fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

Q. What did the TCU graduate say to the SMU graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Texas Christian University library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: How many Texas Christian University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the Texas Christian University campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

Fort Worth News Report: Football practice in Fort Worth was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Gary Patterson, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Q: Did you hear about the Texas Christian University fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Fort Worth?

A: University Park: 187 Miles

Q: What does the average Texas Christian University student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

It was reported that TCU head football coach Gary Patterson will only be dressing twenty players for the SMU game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: What's the hardest thing about being a TCU Horned Frog fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

Q: Why do Texas Christian University fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have TCU win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

Q: What do TCU and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q: What do you call a TCU player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

Did you hear about the Horned Frog fan who was so upset that the Mustangs beat TCU that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

My two favorite teams are SMU and whoever plays TCU!

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good TCU joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a TCU grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a TCU grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a TCU grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Q: Do you know why the Texas Christian University football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the Texas Christian University campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Horned Frogs cheerleaders back on board.

Q: Why don't TCU Horned Frogs fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in Texas Christian University's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: How do you make Texas Christian University cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Texas Christian University fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a TCU, an SMU grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the SMU grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Mustangs!" and pushed the Horned Frogs fan off the side of the mountain.

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the TCU Horned Frogs?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Texas Christian University campus?

A: A visitor.

Q: What's the difference between a TCU fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: How do you get a Texas Christian University grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Two Texas Christian University fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first TCU fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second TCU fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first TCU fan asks, "Why not?"

The second TCU fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Q: What should you do if you find three Texas Christian University fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

Q: How many TCU fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.