Q: What do you call a BYU player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

Q: How many Brigham Young University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good BYU joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a BYU grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a BYU grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a BYU grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Two Brigham Young University fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first BYU fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second BYU fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first BYU fan asks, "Why not?"

The second BYU fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Q: Why don't BYU Cougars fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Q: How do you make Brigham Young University cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Brigham Young University campus?

A: A visitor.

Q: Why do Brigham Young University fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do you get a Brigham Young University grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the BYU Cougars?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the Brigham Young University campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Cougars cheerleaders back on board.

Q: What's the hardest thing about being a BYU Cougar fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

My two favorite teams are San Diego State and whoever plays BYU!

Q: What should you do if you find three Brigham Young University fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a BYU, a San Diego State grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the San Diego State grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Aztecs!" and pushed the Cougars fan off the side of the mountain.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in Brigham Young University's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What does the average Brigham Young University student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at Brigham Young University weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: How many BYU fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the Brigham Young University campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

One day in an elementary school in Provo, UT, a teacher asks her class if the BYU Cougars are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The San Diego State Aztecs "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Aztec fan, my mom is a Aztec fan, I guess that makes me a Aztec fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a BYU fan."

Q: What do BYU and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q: What do you get when you cross a Brigham Young University fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Q: What's the difference between a BYU fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. What did the BYU graduate say to the San Diego State graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Provo?

A: San Diego: 187 Miles

Provo News Report: Football practice in Provo was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Bronco Mendenhall, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Did you hear about the Cougar fan who was so upset that the Aztecs beat BYU that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

Q: Do you know why the Brigham Young University football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: Did you hear about the Brigham Young University fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have BYU win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

A BYU Cougars fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

One foggy night, a San Diego State fan and a BYU fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near San Diego. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The BYU fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Aztec fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The BYU fan walks over to the Aztec fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Aztec fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Aztec fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Cougar fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Cougar fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Cougar fan hands it back to the Aztec fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Aztec fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

It was reported that BYU head football coach Bronco Mendenhall will only be dressing twenty players for the San Diego State game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Brigham Young University library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

It's 06:25 and BYU STILL sucks!