It was reported that Fresno State head football coach Pat Hill will only be dressing twenty players for the San Jose State game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: Why do Fresno State University fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: Why don't Fresno State Bulldogs fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Q: What should you do if you find three Fresno State University fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between a Fresno State fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the Fresno State University campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Bulldogs cheerleaders back on board.

Q: What do Fresno State and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Fresno State Bulldogs?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Fresno State win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

Q: What do you call a Fresno State player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

Two Fresno State University fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first Fresno State fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second Fresno State fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first Fresno State fan asks, "Why not?"

The second Fresno State fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Q: How many Fresno State fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

Did you hear about the Bulldog fan who was so upset that the Spartans beat Fresno State that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Fresno State joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Fresno State grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a Fresno State grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a Fresno State grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Q: Did you hear about the fire in Fresno State University's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

My two favorite teams are San Jose State and whoever plays Fresno State!

One foggy night, a San Jose State fan and a Fresno State fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near San Jose. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Fresno State fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Spartan fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Fresno State fan walks over to the Spartan fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Spartan fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Spartan fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Bulldog fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Bulldog fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Bulldog fan hands it back to the Spartan fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Spartan fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

A Fresno State Bulldogs fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

Q: Did you hear about the Fresno State University fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

Q: How do you make Fresno State University cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Fresno State University fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

One day in an elementary school in Fresno, CA, a teacher asks her class if the Fresno State Bulldogs are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The San Jose State Spartans "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Spartan fan, my mom is a Spartan fan, I guess that makes me a Spartan fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Fresno State fan."

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a Fresno State, a San Jose State grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the San Jose State grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Spartans!" and pushed the Bulldogs fan off the side of the mountain.

Fresno News Report: Football practice in Fresno was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Pat Hill, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Q: Do you know why the Fresno State University football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Fresno?

A: San Jose: 187 Miles

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Fresno State University library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at Fresno State University weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: How many Fresno State University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: How do you get a Fresno State University grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

It's 06:26 and Fresno State STILL sucks!

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Fresno State University campus?

A: A visitor.

Q: What's the hardest thing about being a Fresno State Bulldog fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

Q: What does the average Fresno State University student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

Q. What did the Fresno State graduate say to the San Jose State graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the Fresno State University campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.