One day in an elementary school in Pittsburgh, PA, a teacher asks her class if the Pittsburgh Panthers are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Temple Owls "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Owl fan, my mom is a Owl fan, I guess that makes me a Owl fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Pittsburgh fan."

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Pittsburgh campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Panthers cheerleaders back on board.

It's 06:27 and Pittsburgh STILL sucks!

Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Pittsburgh fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Pittsburgh win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the University of Pittsburgh campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Pittsburgh Panthers?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: Do you know why the University of Pittsburgh football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Pittsburgh campus?

A: A visitor.

Q: How many Pittsburgh fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

Q: Why do University of Pittsburgh fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do you make University of Pittsburgh cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: What does the average University of Pittsburgh student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Pittsburgh weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a Pittsburgh, a Temple grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Temple grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Owls!" and pushed the Panthers fan off the side of the mountain.

My two favorite teams are Temple and whoever plays Pittsburgh!

Two University of Pittsburgh fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first Pittsburgh fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second Pittsburgh fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first Pittsburgh fan asks, "Why not?"

The second Pittsburgh fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Pittsburgh's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: Did you hear about the University of Pittsburgh fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

Q: What do Pittsburgh and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q. What did the Pittsburgh graduate say to the Temple graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

Q: What should you do if you find three University of Pittsburgh fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Pittsburgh?

A: Philadelphia: 187 Miles

It was reported that Pittsburgh head football coach Dave Wannstedt will only be dressing twenty players for the Temple game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: What do you call a Pittsburgh player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

Q: How do you get a University of Pittsburgh grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Pittsburgh joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Pittsburgh grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a Pittsburgh grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a Pittsburgh grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

One foggy night, a Temple fan and a Pittsburgh fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Philadelphia. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Pittsburgh fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Owl fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Pittsburgh fan walks over to the Owl fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Owl fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Owl fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Panther fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Panther fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Panther fan hands it back to the Owl fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Owl fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

Q: What's the hardest thing about being a Pittsburgh Panther fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

Did you hear about the Panther fan who was so upset that the Owls beat Pittsburgh that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Pittsburgh library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Why don't Pittsburgh Panthers fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Q: What's the difference between a Pittsburgh fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Pittsburgh News Report: Football practice in Pittsburgh was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Dave Wannstedt, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Q: How many University of Pittsburgh freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

A Pittsburgh Panthers fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."