Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the University of Alabama campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

One foggy night, a Tennessee fan and an Alabama fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Knoxville. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Alabama fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Volunteer fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Alabama fan walks over to the Volunteer fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Volunteer fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Volunteer fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Tide fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Tide fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Tide fan hands it back to the Volunteer fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Volunteer fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

Two University of Alabama fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first Alabama fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second Alabama fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first Alabama fan asks, "Why not?"

The second Alabama fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Q: How many Alabama fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Alabama win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

Q: How many University of Alabama freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: What's the hardest thing about being an Alabama Tide fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

My two favorite teams are Tennessee and whoever plays Alabama!

Q: Did you hear about the University of Alabama fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

Q: Why don't Alabama Crimson Tide fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Tuscaloosa?

A: Knoxville: 187 Miles

It's 06:26 and Alabama STILL sucks!

Q. What did the Alabama graduate say to the Tennessee graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Alabama campus?

A: A visitor.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Alabama's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: Why do University of Alabama fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Alabama weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: What's the difference between an Alabama fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

It was reported that Alabama head football coach Mike Shula will only be dressing twenty players for the Tennessee game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: How do you make University of Alabama cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Alabama joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am an Alabama grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's an Alabama grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's an Alabama grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: an Alabama, a Tennessee grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Tennessee grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Volunteers!" and pushed the Crimson Tide fan off the side of the mountain.

Q: What does the average University of Alabama student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

Q: Do you know why the University of Alabama football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What do Alabama and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Alabama library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Did you hear about the Tide fan who was so upset that the Volunteers beat Alabama that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

Tuscaloosa News Report: Football practice in Tuscaloosa was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Mike Shula, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

An Alabama Crimson Tide fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

Q: What do you get when you cross an University of Alabama fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Q: How do you get an University of Alabama grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: What should you do if you find three University of Alabama fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Alabama campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Crimson Tide cheerleaders back on board.

Q: What do you call a Alabama player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Alabama Crimson Tide?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

One day in an elementary school in Tuscaloosa, AL, a teacher asks her class if the Alabama Crimson Tide are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Tennessee Volunteers "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Volunteer fan, my mom is a Volunteer fan, I guess that makes me a Volunteer fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me an Alabama fan."