Q: What's the difference between an Oklahoma fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

One foggy night, an Oklahoma State fan and an Oklahoma fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Stillwater. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Oklahoma fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Cowboy fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Oklahoma fan walks over to the Cowboy fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Cowboy fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Cowboy fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Sooner fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Sooner fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Sooner fan hands it back to the Cowboy fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Cowboy fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

It's 03:19 and Oklahoma STILL sucks!

Q: Why do University of Oklahoma fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What do you get when you cross an University of Oklahoma fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Q: Did you hear about the University of Oklahoma fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Norman?

A: Stillwater: 187 Miles

Q: What do you call a Oklahoma player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

Q: What should you do if you find three University of Oklahoma fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Oklahoma campus?

A: A visitor.

Did you hear about the Sooner fan who was so upset that the Cowboys beat Oklahoma that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

Q. What did the Oklahoma graduate say to the Oklahoma State graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

Q: Why don't Oklahoma Sooners fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Q: How do you get an University of Oklahoma grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: Do you know why the University of Oklahoma football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

An Oklahoma Sooners fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Oklahoma library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Oklahoma's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: How many Oklahoma fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Oklahoma joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am an Oklahoma grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's an Oklahoma grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's an Oklahoma grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Two University of Oklahoma fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first Oklahoma fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second Oklahoma fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first Oklahoma fan asks, "Why not?"

The second Oklahoma fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Oklahoma campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Sooners cheerleaders back on board.

Q: What does the average University of Oklahoma student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Oklahoma Sooners?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Oklahoma win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

My two favorite teams are Oklahoma State and whoever plays Oklahoma!

Q: How many University of Oklahoma freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

It was reported that Oklahoma head football coach Bob Stoops will only be dressing twenty players for the Oklahoma State game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the University of Oklahoma campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: an Oklahoma, an Oklahoma State grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Oklahoma State grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Cowboys!" and pushed the Sooners fan off the side of the mountain.

Q: What's the hardest thing about being an Oklahoma Sooner fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Oklahoma weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Norman News Report: Football practice in Norman was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Bob Stoops, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

One day in an elementary school in Norman, OK, a teacher asks her class if the Oklahoma Sooners are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Oklahoma State Cowboys "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Cowboy fan, my mom is a Cowboy fan, I guess that makes me a Cowboy fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me an Oklahoma fan."

Q: How do you make University of Oklahoma cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: What do Oklahoma and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!