Q: What do you call a Oregon player with a championship ring?

A: A thief!

One day in an elementary school in Eugene, OR, a teacher asks her class if the Oregon Ducks are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Oregon State Beavers "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Beaver fan, my mom is a Beaver fan, I guess that makes me a Beaver fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me an Oregon fan."

Did you hear about the Duck fan who was so upset that the Beavers beat Oregon that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Oregon win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."

Q: What do you get when you cross an University of Oregon fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Q: Did you hear about the University of Oregon fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.

Q: Why don't Oregon Ducks fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Q: What does the average University of Oregon student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

One foggy night, an Oregon State fan and an Oregon fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Corvallis. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Oregon fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Beaver fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Oregon fan walks over to the Beaver fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Beaver fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Beaver fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Duck fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Duck fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Duck fan hands it back to the Beaver fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Beaver fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

Q: What should you do if you find three University of Oregon fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

Q: How many Oregon fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

An Oregon Ducks fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

Q: What's the hardest thing about being an Oregon Duck fan?

A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

Q: How do you make University of Oregon cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: Do you know why the University of Oregon football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Oregon's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q. What did the Oregon graduate say to the Oregon State graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: an Oregon, an Oregon State grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Oregon State grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Beavers!" and pushed the Ducks fan off the side of the mountain.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Oregon library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

It was reported that Oregon head football coach Mike Bellotti will only be dressing twenty players for the Oregon State game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the University of Oregon campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Oregon joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am an Oregon grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's an Oregon grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's an Oregon grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Q: What's the difference between an Oregon fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

It's 03:19 and Oregon STILL sucks!

Two University of Oregon fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first Oregon fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second Oregon fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first Oregon fan asks, "Why not?"

The second Oregon fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Q: What do Oregon and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Eugene News Report: Football practice in Eugene was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Mike Bellotti, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Oregon Ducks?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: How do you get an University of Oregon grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: Why do University of Oregon fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How many University of Oregon freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Oregon weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Oregon campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Ducks cheerleaders back on board.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Eugene?

A: Corvallis: 187 Miles

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Oregon campus?

A: A visitor.

My two favorite teams are Oregon State and whoever plays Oregon!